Historically, from the era of the cavemen, women when pregnant were extremely vulnerable to the outside threats. They cannot protect themselves as efficiently as they used to when not pregnant. This survival basic need forced women to be attracted to guys who can protect her. Only violent men can apply violence to protect those who are dare to him from any physical dangers. Thus, women usually prioritized their potential partner's ability to exert controlled violence in any of his characters. The more dominating and violent the man is the more attractive he is to women in case of only protecting the livelihoods of themselves and their offspring. Also, to survive, only violence is not necessarily enough. Man also need to be intelligent enough to defeat the threat if the violence alone is not enough, or his physical attribute is outmatched. Then, the last attraction is reliance. When danger is close and fleeing is not an option, women need men to step up and protect her and their offspring not run away like a coward. Women need to be sure that their chosen man will not shy away from these threats and do everything he can to destroy the threat. And the more destructive he is combined with his intelligence and the more reliable, the more attractive he will be to her. This is why women often choose those macho, manly men who seem to have their shit together, who seem to have figured things out, who is doing well, and progressing better and higher constantly. These masculine traits are what attract feminine traits like the opposites attract each other.
Nowadays, obviously there is no danger of a predator killing her offspring, all those potential physical threats are gone; however, women still do seek these traits from their potential mates. Masculine body is a representation of his destruction capabilities, that is why generally, in shape guys are more attractive to women. Also, the man's trait of not taking small problems seriously and not freaking out but staying calm and collected nature expresses to women that he has seen some shit and knows what he is doing, and can solve them easily. This is also why confident man looks attractive to women. Also, mental and physical toughness and his natural tendency to emit his toughness by his demeanor such as way of talking, looking, acting, breathing, walking all work as cues to women to pick up his traits subconsciously. Women don't know they are screening their potential partners, the screening process is usually done subconsciously. The 4th and the last characteristic of attraction is the care and service he provides I guess. Giving flowers, surprises and care and attention also attract women to man but it only has effect to a limited point. If a man is a coward, takes the easier route, unreliable, dumb as fuck but has so much care and attention to her, he won't get her unless he succeeds at manipulating her. But the relationship based on lie, manipulation often has expiry date when she wakes up from the illusion.
So, how do you become tough/courageous, reliable, intelligent and caring?
The care to me should be springing from the man naturally. He should be paying attention to her not because he has to but because he wants to show his love and affection. If she doesn't incentify him have feelings for her, care for her but he chooses to be in a relationship with her then that just means he is sticking with her only for some values and services she provides for him; not because he loves her or have deep/intimate feelings for her.
Next, intelligence. To become more intelligent and smart, it's pretty straightforward, he needs to study more, observe more and take notes, learn more, read more, listen more, talk less and also expose himself to huge problems and make effort to survive and thrive in that challenging situation. Such goal and situation requires man to solve all the problems in it to triumph over the challenge. This requires man to execute carefully planned actions which require man to think critically, learn about the situation, pinpoint the main problems...etc. In general this is to me how man/woman get more intelligent. From my experience, experience is the best teacher. Anyone can learn and read all that jazz about many important concepts but the usefulness and effects of those read material embedded in memory are nothing compared to the lessons learned through experience. I don’t know why this is how it works but it is the way how human learning works. It is the same concept as the hand pointing to the moon. The teacher is trying his best to make his pupil see the moon by pointing his hand to the moon but the pupil is only concerned about the hand that is pointing. To find out whether he is really learning or not, he needs to try to apply what he has learned. If he cannot apply instantly without a problem, he still hasn’t mastered it.
Next, reliability. Reliability is not only crucial in intimate relationships but also in many different types of relationships as well. Business relationship, friendship, partnership, and almost all types of relationships are supported by the members' reliabilities. If a person in a group is not reliable, doesn't keep up his words, flaky, then he gets out of the group. To be reliable or not is anyone's choice. If someone prioritizes his reliability above all things such as his personal gain, he will be reliable meanwhile if someone's reliability is around the bottom area of his priority then he won't be as reliable as others. Thus, reliability is not something you do to get better at it but it is just conscious/subconscious choice.
Then, lastly toughness. No matter how much a guy spends to watch those tough guys in movies, studies them, and try to emulate them he will never succeed at becoming a tough guy. It is not something you learn by acting or copying. No matter what though shit he says or tries to act, his toughness expression will never be congruent. "Tough" behavior/characteristics ooze from tough guys' natural way of being. Tough, manly man emit those tough qualities naturally when he acts, talks, listens, reacts... Men who were raised around manly men usually grow up to be tough guy because he was immersed in that culture of tough men. Fortunately, guys who were not raised around men and act like cowards can naturally become tough if they really want to. By voluntarily exposing themselves to hardships, in dangers way and making effort to get out of that shithole usually toughens men up. After being exposed to many hardships and such, his whole demeanor changes. Those changes may be subtle but would be big. Being intelligent and tough come with huge prices to pay. He has to pay a lot, he has to get himself under huge stresses, choose the harder paths that only few dares. Such kind of life ain't for everybody. Such world would not be full of flowers and rainbows but it will be full of wetlands and rain. It will be much darker path, there will be no light. But the good side is such life is much more interesting and has much more adventures than the life without any risk. He will learn a lot, grow up a lot, change a lot. Sometimes choosing the dark path completely destroys the person and makes him like the Joker, the ultimate source of annihilation, destruction, pain and suffering, nihilism. It is what he does with that hardship decides who he will be. He can get lost into the darkness forever and actually becomes the threat of the society. Therefore, those who do not think they can manage their demons and darkness should not voluntarily choose the harder path.
And, one more additional fifth quality of a man that is attractive to women is a pleasing personality. If he is all that tough, reliable, caring and intelligent yet someone who is so fucking annoying, angry and cocky all the time then no logical woman would be be with him. He must have some kind of pleasing, soothing personality around him to keep women interested and like to be around him. Annoying/angry/cocky personalities are what insect repellent are for insects. This bad quality repels women from a man. Thus, work on being a person who is nice to be around not just for women but also in general so that people like to be around you, want you in any types of relationships. Do NOT fake that nice personality. Your pleasing personality should be coming naturally. It should be some kind of unique positive experience for others. It is much better to be around an honest annoying person than to be around a fake nice person who keeps his anger inside and try not to show. In other words, fake is worse than negativity. Look within, find your own style, your own niche, your own pleasing personalities and emit those to the world.
Any man who has these only 5 qualities down, mastered, he is at the top percentile in terms of dating and also on the overall scale.
This is written for my brothers who are struggling in dating. I see so many naturally good-hearted guys being overlooked no matter how hard they try. Looks are nothing when it comes to serious relationships. But you should not be working to get these qualities as your natural part of you just to be successful with women. If that is the intention then you will mostly fail to get where you want to be. Just like how people who go to fitness gym only to get in shape mostly quit going after the first month when the motivation is finished, if you would start your progress just to get with women, you will fall short of your goal. Choose the hardship because you actually want the hardship, to enjoy the pain, have fun with it. It might sound sadistic and crazy to say that enjoy and have fun, play with the pain but this the TRUTH. This is the price you have to pay to be at the top percentile, to enjoy all the good stuff that comes with being at the top. If your goal is to enjoy all the rewards of being at the top but not doing and not enjoying the hardship, the adventures, the struggle, the act of overcoming, then DON’T EVEN START, stay where you are and enjoy your life. If you don’t wanna have fun with the pain, the struggle, then don’t even start the process; it is better to stay satisfied with what you have and keep your simple life than it is to go out there and enter the dark jungle. I am dead serious because you are going into the jungle without necessary preparations and ammunition, you are entering it just to be slaughtered, annihilated. If your goal is not to enjoy the pain, the adventure, then your whole existence becomes suffering and you would be asking yourself WHY THE FUCK you are doing this to yourself. You will become more discouraged and have less will to live, and you will become on overall a dark, pessimistic person who has no energy and fire in his eyes. This is almost what has happened to me. I almost took my own life! This is why you need to start with the right mindset of playing with the fire, the danger from the first place. Even this mindset would not be enough as ammunition but still you would be coming from the much useful mindset. You will need everything you have and can find to destroy that demon in the jungle.
For those who want to enjoy the pain remember to always ask the right questions first. The mind is dumb, you always have to explain and direct it to where you want it to look at. Don’t ask yourself what is wrong the world? Your mind will only show you the faults of the world. Don’t ask yourself what is wrong with yourself You will only see what is wrong with you. Instead, ask yourself what is the problem? This erases the assumption only objective or the subjective world is at fault. In most cases, faults come from the both. By asking this question, you are setting your mind to be neutral and open to faults from the both side. Also, asking in this manner, you prioritize solving the problem at any cost first than placing the blame first. Always ask questions in neutral manner to defuse ego-lessness or ego-centric. You gotta be nothing to include the both worlds. You also need to learn the skill to get out of yourself and see yourself neutrally from the outside to really be the best and the most honest critic for yourself. This requires balls of steel to admit your wrongdoings and faults. Many, many, many are afraid to admit the truth to themselves because admitting the bad side of yourself is the same as bringing the demon out on the display. For them and for their mind, it is better to ignore the existence of their demons so that their mind can be at peace. The sooner you learn the skill of admitting your demons to yourselves, the sooner your growth process will start.
Good luck mate and good luck on your journey! You are gonna need every bit of it! It is gonna be tough as fuck but if you manage to get on the other side without losing yourself to the darkness, the rewards would be worth every struggle you had to endure. Just trust me, have faith in yourself, believe in yourself, go and get it son! You will not need anyone’s advice, every advice, tips, and lessons will be literally in front of you if you would stop seeking it from other areas. Shut the fuck up and listen, then you will hear the lessons!
